Stand up and be counted? Not by the census.

So the US Census is on the horizon and, once again, they are going to find a way to keep out the married same-sex couples.

"The Census Bureau will be operating under the 1996 federal Defense of Marriage Act, which 'instructs all federal agencies only to recognize opposite-sex marriages for the purposes of enacting any agency programs.'"

The Census Bureau will alter the entries of same-sex, married couples, to reflect the version of reality the government would prefer to see. Why should this matter to me, you might ask? Because the US Census is the standard used for much of the data collection performed by states, counties, and cities. And that standard is going to systematically work to exclude accurate information on same sex couples and families. Because without accurate information about our community, we cannot begin to properly serve the needs of our people. And because, once again, we are being ignored, changed, isolated, and made invisible, by the very organizations ostensibly working to reveal the landscape of our country.

Something to talk about.

I'm having trouble thinking of something to talk about today. I don't often deal with writer's block, but here it is today. So I'm going to talk about my family, my reason for being here and doing the work I do. When my son was in first grade, his class did a project to celebrate Martin Luther King, Jr day. The children in the class were asked what they would say if they were Martin Luther King, Jr and working towards civil rights. My son's answer, "I would tell people we should remember we all have the same color heart."

When my son started Kindergarten, he talked about living with two moms. His classmates were very curious (where did the baby come from, without a dad?!?) but not condemning. When my daughter was in first grade, she was hit in the face by a fifth grade student for admitting that her moms were lesbians. (Don't worry, the school underwent extensive work to educate faculty and staff on how to support children of GLBT families and even identified two transgender children in the school and was able to provide them with a strong and positive environment.)

Children don't start out with a fear of the different but rather a curiousity. How does your life work when it doesn't look like mine? Every day, every thing I do, I think about the world my children started out believing in. A world where our heart is more important than our skin, or the gender of our parents, or their physical abilities. And I want to be part of creating that world for them.

glbTq

So I've been mulling over the transgender connection in Boulder since I started at Boulder Pride, but an email that came through yesterday really got me thinking about the transgender community and my own evolution. My gender is conveniently consistent with my body, which I talked about a few weeks ago, so my experiences have been more about learning how to build community support and challenge my own perceptions of gender. Just as the sexual orientation movement challenged culturally accepted models of relationship and gender roles, the gender queer movement is challenging those same ideas on a deeper level. Sexual orientation focused us on who we were with and how that defined us. Gender expression focuses on who we are and how that shapes our world. It is more internal, more profound, and more volatile.

It's hard when even the queer community can't figure out how to be more connective and welcoming to the T in glbTq. The Denver Wrangler has bravely posted its ignorance for all the world to see, showing once again that no matter how powerless we are, we can always find someone to pick on.

What does it mean to Win?

For me competition is about achieving personal excellence. I love sports and games, pitting my wits or skill against another person's abilities and really seeing what I can achieve. If I enjoy myself, if I push myself to a new level of skill, I usually have little interest in who actually "wins" the game. Which is why this video was truly inspiring to me.

Queer and White

I once had a man apologize to me for being brown. Sitting in my car in the Borders parking lot, waiting for my wife to exit so we could continue on our day, he approached my car and said, "I'm sorry I'm brown, but I wanted to know where you got your bumper sticker, because it's so funny." I told him where I bought it and then sat there in shock that anyone would ever feel the need to apologize for something so inherently a part of them. And so unharmful to anyone else. In that moment, I realized that I would never actually understand what it means to be a person of color in america.

When Rene Marie decided to sing the national anthem in a way that included both the traditional tune and words that expressed an experience more consistent with her life in america, she gave the folks in attendance a beautiful gift. I am impressed with the strength of character and bravery she showed in voicing her dual patriotism to both her country and her heritage. Often times the things we recite in honor of our country and our patriotism are words that speak to a select few. At the city address, those who are often the ones spoken to had a chance to understand what it means to hear patriotism from another perspective, a perspective not theirs. I am sorry that instead of appreciating her artistic expression and her inclusive approach, the response has been one of fear and anger.

Read more about Rene at her website and listen to her amazing voice. Send her an email of support. Send a letter to the city council expressing your support of her patriotism.

Patriotic Me.

"Loyalty to the country always,
loyalty to the government when it deserves it."
Utah Philips

My co-worker was planning to work this Friday because she forgot it was the 4th of July. "That's me, so patriotic!" she joked, after I pointed out her error. Patriotism is one of those big words with an ambiguous meaning that moves according to your perspective. Queer people have a hard time really embracing what patriotism means to us. Much like "family values", "christianity", and "morality", patriotism has been coopted in a very political fashion to mean looking and believing according to one ideology, an ideology that doesn't include us.

Time magazine did an article on patriotism this week and Burning Man has set the American Dream as its art theme for 2008. Like 20-something college students, America is struggling to find its identity, its loyalty, and its motivation for self-esteem. Queer folks often put their energy into their community. We call one another family and we have pride celebrations. But I don't think it's enough.

The beauty of the queer community is that we encompass all aspects of american life. There is no socio-economic level, no political or religious ideology, no racial expression, no physical attribute or ability level that doesn't have someone queer living it. We are uniquely positioned to embrace diversity because while we may not have anything else in common, we have our experience of being queer in a straight world to bond us together.

I am ashamed of my government on occasion. But I do love my country. I believe we can build a better world for our children. And I believe we can honor the efforts and sacrifices made by those before us. So while the flag I wave is rainbow striped, rather than red, white, and blue, my heart has room for both.