George Irving Spencer Parker. GI to his friends and military buddies. Veteran. Brilliant Engineer. Father to 4 children. Loving husband for 50 years. Artist and amazing cook. Gardner. Cancer casualty. Pipe smoker. Alcoholic. Bully. Bigot and Racist. My grandfather.
The different faces of my grandfather can be difficult to integrate. My mom remembers him as the man who ingrained prejudice and fear in her. I remember him as the man who made me feel safe and loved and special. For years I secretly hoped my partner would take up pipe smoke so I could close my eyes and remember the days I sat with my Grandpa and knew, without a doubt, that all was well with the world. I don't think he would approve of my life (or my life's work) if he were alive today. And yet I also know that some of the strength and commitment I have to do this work is rooted in the love he gave me.
We struggle as a community to find common ground, within our diversity of identities, and with the broader "mainstream" culture. And I think, in many ways, it also about accepting what's good, where we can. I loved my grandfather and I honor his memory as precious and dear to me. Even if I know that we would be on opposite sides in much of what we believe. Somehow we need to find that trick in a broader sense -- how to embrace the complete experience of ourselves as queer, as well as many other identities, and recognize that since no one piece of who we are defines us, the same can be true of our straight, christian, republican neighbors who can often seem against us.
My grandfather fought for my right to be free to be someone he would most likely disown. And I am grateful to him and love him for that. And I wish he were here today to fight with me about it, because I miss him.
Happy Veteran's Day.
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