Safer Sex!

Creating Change 2009

This is my third Creating Change conference, for which I feel very lucky and also a little disappointed. Lucky that I've been able to attend 3. Disappointed that I didn't understand what it was earlier in my life, so I could have attended more of them. Activists are often more hopeful than they have a right to be, especially given the last 8 years. But put us all in a room (or very large hotel) together and that hope blossoms into something magical.

I love the workshops and I usually learn things from the presenters. But the secret to enjoying the conference is really about the things that happen outside the workshops. The early morning coffee meet-ups where two acquaintances decide to make a difference, now, about an issue that matters. A new organization is suddenly born. The hallway conversations where those of who have worked in the field, up to our elbows in community drama and conservative opposition, finally comprehend we are not alone.

And the NGLTF is boots-on-the-ground organization. They truly try to be the change they want to see in the world. Just watching what they do gives me a better idea of what I could and should be doing in my own community to create a better world for all of us!

So, next year, attend the conference in Dallas, TX, you will be amazed!

Obama includes Task Force ED in Health Care Reform Conversation

“In the coming months, the macro themes and issues raised at the summit will work their way through to concrete policy and funding decisions that will affect the day-to-day lives of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people.”
— Rea Carey, Executive Director, National Gay and Lesbian Task Force
WASHINGTON, March 6 — National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Executive Director Rea Carey was among those participating in yesterday’s White House health-care reform summit convened by President Barack Obama.

Statement by Rea Carey, Executive Director
National Gay and Lesbian Task Force

“The White House Forum on Health Reform was a powerful start to reforming health care and how our country views health generally. With Sen. Ted Kennedy in the room, people couldn’t help but be inspired to focus on solutions. In the coming months, the macro themes and issues raised at the summit will work their way through to concrete policy and funding decisions that will affect the day-to-day lives of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people. The Task Force will be working to make sure our needs, lives and families are not left behind. For example, how families are defined will be critical to ensuring full coverage of LGBT people, our partners/spouses and our children. The days when we must pay taxes on domestic partner health benefits must end.

Read the rest of the story here.

Transgender connection.

This American Life recently had a short segment on two girls, born in male bodies, who met at a conference in Seattle. The summary below is posted on their website, but you can also stream the audio and hear the story for yourself. It seems a bit amazing, and slightly hopeful, that the conversations around our transgender community are starting to be full of hope. I envision a world where are stories are seen as simply one more aspect of the human experience, rather than something set apart and different. Until then, it's nice to see stories like this.

Act Two. Tom Girls. Lilly and Thomasina have a lot in common. They’re both 8 years old. And they were both born boys, although it became clear pretty early on that they'd prefer to be girls. There aren’t all that many kids in the world like them, but recently, at a conference in Seattle on transgender parenting, they met. And they immediately hit it off. They could talk about things with each other that they'd never been able to share with other friends back home. And that’s comforting, even if they never see each other after the conference ends. Producer Mary Beth Kirchner tells the story, with production help from Rebecca Weiker. (17 minutes) Song: "Somewhere Out There," The soundtrack to "American Tail"

Is it murder if they didn't mean it?

I have a lot of very close friends who are highly religious and truly believe that to be gay is to sin. They have openly affirmed their support of Prop 8 to me and we have had truly civil conversations about our differences. I value these people in my life and in my heart. So I generally avoid making sweeping statements of judgment about their perspectives.

But I do struggle with this mask of civility that exists between us. Working where I do. Living where I do. I see the results of these very honest convictions. Young kids are truly terrified to be themselves at school. Middle school age children honestly contemplating suicide because they believe they have no hope of finding friends or love in their life. High school students who have run away (or been kicked out) and living on the streets selling what they have to survive.

Does it matter that my friends, with loving hearts, didn't mean for their expressions to cause that? These kids are still homeless, suffering or dead. I don't know what the answer is. I think finding the meeting ground and continuing the conversation across the chasm between us is the best I have to offer.

It doesn't feel like enough.

Finding our way.

When I was 16 and living in Europe, my friend received a day trip to Austria for her birthday. We happily boarded the train and headed for adventure, eager to see the city. Except we didn't. We spent the entire day within sight of the train station. Because I was terrified if we lost sight of it, we'd never find our way back. For 9 hours, we strayed no further than a few blocks from where we started. April was frustrated and angry. But she didn't leave me. She just kept trying to convince me to see the city with her. I offered a mild concession and we checked out some shops and a coffee place.

I haven't thought of that trip in years. But it came back to me last week. How convinced I was that leaving the safety of our starting point would be our doom. That we would lose our way and never find it again. I didn't even believe in bread crumbs, I guess. Certainly didn't trust maps. I wonder how much of my life is due to a similar fear that I will lose my way.

When I see people young and fearless, eager to wander through the city, certain they will return. I envy them. And I want to warn them. Because when I finally did start exploring, it certainly took more than 9 hours for me to find my way back. I think it was worth it, I've seen a lot of amazing things. But it wasn't comforting. It wasn't safe.


Being queer is a journey that can take us far from our starting points. What I didn't know at 16 is even without bread crumbs, maps, or a sense of direction you can still find your way. 

Thank you Sean Penn.

Milk was an incredible movie. But even more incredible is the way a major actor has embraced the cause of equality.

Sean Penn mentioned that protesters who lined the streets of Hollywood near the Oscar festivities were holding anti-gay signs.

When introducing, Sean Penn, Robert De Niro said, "How did he do it? How for so many years did he get all those jobs playing straight men?"

Sean Penn, upon accepting the Best Actor Academy Award for his portrayal of the slain San Francisco Supervisor and gay rights leader Harvey Milk, "I think it's a good time for those who voted for the ban against gay marriage to sit and reflect on their great shame and their shame in their grandchildren's eyes if they continue that support.
We've got to have equal rights for everyone."

Backstage, when asked what Penn would tell those protesters if he could, he answered, "I'd tell them to turn in their hate card and find their better self."