Allies Speak Out - Community Forum to Discuss Sacred Heart

Monday, March 15 @ 5pm at the Boulder Public Library

March 10, 2010

Dear Concerned Community Members:

You have responded and the country is noticing.

As first reported by 9News in Denver last week and now covered by news outlets internationally, Sacred Heart of Jesus School in Boulder has refused to re-enroll a preschooler because the preschooler has two moms.

The story has been featured on CNN, World News with Diane Sawyer , The Huffington Post, and many others.

Since the news broke, Boulder Pride, Boulder County's lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and allied Community Center, has received many calls and emails from concerned community members. This situation has served as a wake up call to the entire Boulder County community.

Many of the emails and calls have been from current and former Catholics who are straight allies to the LGBT community. They have let us know that they disagree with the Archdioceses and school's decision. Additionally, we have heard from many straight allied parents, who have also been angered and saddened by the school's decision.

Through our words and actions, the Boulder County community has demonstrated that singling out a child simply for who that child's parents are will not go unchallenged.

Please join us on Monday, March 15 from 5 to 6:30pm at the Boulder Public Library (1001 Arapahoe Ave, Boulder) in the Boulder Creek Room for a Community Forum.  The Forum will provide a respectful, peaceful space for concerned community members to connect, mobilize and organize further Action Steps.

In addition to a panel discussion, there will be time for audience questions and discussion. The event will be organized by staff and board members of Boulder Pride.

Confirmed Panelists include:

Cecilia Wilson: A devoted Catholic who remains committed to her Church, religion and beliefs, who at times disagrees with the leadership of the church, including on this issue.

Jean Hodges: President, Boulder Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG)

Jim Vacca: A straight ally and former Catholic Seminarian who taught at Sacred Heart in the 70's, and now teaches at Boulder High.  Jim is planning a community response to the Sacred Heart decision for March 28th.

Kimberly Rose: Facilitator of the Reconciling Faith group through Boulder Pride.  Kimberly spent many years in the evangelical church until she had to chose between ordination in the church and being true to herself by coming out.

Mindy Barton: Legal Director, GLBT Community of Colorado 

A Student Representative from the Iliff School of Theology who organized a protest in front of the offices of the Archdiocese of Denver on Tuesday March 9th.

and others...

We look forward to seeing you at Monday night's forum...and please bring a friend.  Also, we want to thank the community for the important dialogue and work that is happening in the wake of this situation. It is powerful to see our diverse Boulder County community mobilized for Action. We again wanted to share some Action Steps that you can take. Based on your suggestions, we have added some new Action Steps as well as reiterated the steps we suggestioned last week.

Consider posting this information to your Facebook or MySpace page. Consider blogging about it. Please join Boulder Pride's Facebook page.

We encourage you to continue to write Letters to the Editor of the Daily Camera (openforum@dailycamera.com). To read examples of letters printed about the situation.  Also, please respond to the Camera's Virtual Editorial Board about Sacred Heart... 

We encourage you to continue to contact Sacred Heart School and Denver Archdiocese directly with your thoughts (see below for contact information).  If you are comfortable doing so, we encourage you to request an in-person meeting to discuss the matter.

Show up in response to this situation in peaceful, open ways. For example, you may consider attending 10am Mass (Sunday, March 14) at Sacred Heart  Church (1317 Mapleton Ave in Boulder). If you do go, we encourage you to attend peacefully to listen, learn and to serve as a reminder to the church that "We are here and these policies and decisions have real impact."   If you attend, be sure to introduce yourself as a visitor to others.

We encourage you to volunteer with Boulder Pride's program, "SpeakingOUT."  SpeakingOUT provides panels of 'out' LGBTQ and Allied people who share their experiences and stories with audiences that include middle and high school classes, college classes and businesses.  As a result of the Sacred Heart decision, Boulder Pride/SpeakingOUT will begin actively reaching out and offering our SpeakingOUT panels to spiritual/religious organizations in Boulder County.  The next free SpeakingOUT training is on March 16 from 5:30 to 8pm. Sandwiches will be provided. For more information (including location) and to RSVP, please email cathy@boulderpride.org.  We welcome straight allies as SpeakingOUT members - you have a coming out story, as well, on why you advocate for LGBTQ rights.

Please continuing forwarding this email to five other people.  The more people we reach, the more powerfully mobilized we are as a community. Please encourage your contacts to join Boulder Pride's email list.  We have added 50 new subscribers this week!

Finally, please consider donating to Boulder Pride. As a grassroots non-profit, Boulder Pride relies on community donations to do this vital work. During the next month, every dollar up to $2,000 we raise will generously be matched by the Gill Foundation. Please click here to make a donation.

We look forward to seeing you (and a friend) on Monday!

Yours in Community,

Dave Ensign, Board President         (dave@boulderpride.org)

Aicila Lewis, Executive Director         (alewis@boulderpride.org)

Cathy Busha, Program Director         (cathy@boulderpride.org)

Boulder Pride

Contact Information:

Sacred Heart of Jesus School

1318 Mapleton Ave

Boulder, CO   80304

(303) 443-0684

breslinw@shjboulder.org

Archdiocese of Denver

1300 South Steele Street

Denver, CO   80210

303-722-4687

info@archden.org

Update on Sacred Heart Preschool Situation

Dear Concerned Community Members:

As you may know, as first reported by 9News in Denver and now covered by over 300 newspapers internationally, Sacred Heart of Jesus School in Boulder has refused to readmit a preschooler because the preschooler has two moms.  It is important to note that the media was tipped off by teachers at Sacred Heart School, who disagree with the Denver Catholic Dioceses decision.  We thank these teachers for their courage.

Last night, in conjunction with Wesley Chapel, Boulder Pride held a community forum about the situation, to provide people a space to talk about their feelings and plan action going forward. We have heard loud and clear from the LGBTQ community, as well as from Allies, that this situation has stirred feelings of anger, pain and frustration.

Based on our meeting last night, we wanted to share some Action Steps that you can take:

·        ---->Like the Sacred Heart teachers who called the media, we recognize that many Catholics are also struggling with the decision to not readmit the preschooler. Rather than further polarize communities or condemn individuals, we encourage LGBTQ people to offer patience, compassion and careful listening to Catholics who are struggling.

--->Show up in response to this situation in peaceful, open ways. For example, you may consider attending 10am Mass tomorrow  (Sunday, March 7) at Sacred Heart  Church (1317 Mapleton Ave in Boulder). If you do go, we encourage you to attend peacefully to listen, learn and to serve as a reminder to the church that “We are here and these policies and decisions have real impact.”   If you attend, be sure to introduce yourself as a visitor to others.

·         --->We recognize that many members of the LGBTQ have experienced what Soulforce calls spiritual violence at the hands of organized religions. No doubt this situation may be triggering feelings of pain and anger.  There is a Boulder Pride-affiliated group called “Reconciling Faith” who meets twice a month. Reconciling Faith provides a space for LGBTQ and Allied people to talk about spirituality and religion. You can join their Facebook group for more information: http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/group.php?gid=263614230188&ref=ts

·       --->We encourage you to write Letters to the Editor of the Daily Camera about the decision openforum@dailycamera.com.  Letters to the Editor remain one of the most widely read sections of the paper.

·       --->We encourage you to contact Sacred Heart School and Denver Archdiocese directly with your thoughts (see below for contact information).  If you are comfortable doing so, we encourage you to request an in-person meeting to discuss the matter.

·        --->We encourage you to volunteer with Boulder Pride’s program, “SpeakingOUT.”  SpeakingOUT provides panels of ‘out’ LGBTQ and Allied people who share their experiences and stories with audiences that include middle and high school classes, college classes and businesses.  As a result of the Sacred Heart decision, Boulder Pride/SpeakingOUT will begin actively reaching out and offering our SpeakingOUT panels to spiritual/religious organizations in Boulder County.  The next free SpeakingOUT training is on March 16 from 5:30 to 8pm. Sandwiches will be provided. For more information (including location) and to RSVP, please email cathy@boulderpride.org.  We welcome straight allies as SpeakingOUT members – you have a coming out story, as well, on why you advocate for LGBTQ rights.

·        --->Consider Coming Out. This suggestion perhaps sounds passé, but it really is the single most important act you can do. When people know LGBTQ people, it makes real polarized political and religious discussions. The simple act of coming out transforms hearts and minds. Even if you are super-out, think about sending a coming out email to a person who may not know…or someone in your past (perhaps the church you grew up in or your preschool teacher J  )

-->Please consider forwarding this to five other people.  The more people we reach, the more powerfully mobilized we are as a community. Please encourage your contacts to join Boulder Pride's email list. 

·    ---> Finally, please consider donating to Boulder Pride. As a grassroots non-profit, Boulder Pride relies on community donations to do this vital work. During the next month, every dollar up to $2,000 we raise will generously be matched by the Gill Foundation. To make a donation: http://boulderpride.org/bp/support/donate.html

We welcome your ideas and suggestions, as well.  Please feel free to contact us.

While this situation has been incredibly difficult and reminded us all of vital work that remains to be done, it also has highlighted our strengths as a community. We are grateful to live in Boulder County with engaged, passionate community members like you.  Thank you.

In Solidarity,

Dave Ensign, Board President         (dave@boulderpride.org)

Aicila Lewis, Executive Director         (alewis@boulderpride.org)

Cathy Busha, Program Director         (cathy@boulderpride.org)

Boulder Pride

Contac t Information

Sacred Heart of Jesus School:
1318 Mapleton Ave
Boulder, CO   80304
(303) 443-0684 bartschm@shjboulder.org

Archdiocese of Denver:
1300 South Steele Street
Denver, CO   80210
303-722-4687 info@archden.org

Smile (awkwardly) for the Camera.

Cathy Busha and Aicila Lewis

So I am a new age woman, full of my power and strength, and I still struggle with all the crazy female body images that seem to come with identifying as female in America. It manifests most often when people want to snap my photo. (Second most when going pants shopping.)  I have learned, through the years, to tolerate the pictures. Partially to try and set an example for my kids; partially because resisting makes it worse. But I really do hate it and I usually get away with avoiding it by being the person holding the camera. (Not a very original tactic, but extremely effective.)

Tiph- BP intern

So at the Red Party, Peggy Dyer brought her 1 million faces set up and took photos all evening. At the beginning of the evening, I dragged our new Program Director (Cathy Busha) up to get a Boulder Pride staff photo. My reasoning was, eat your vegetables fast. I know how these things work and I will be asked if I've done it and why not, so if I do it early and fast, I have an answer :)

And then I watched through the evening as people stepped into her mini-studio and transformed themselves by having fun. She really brought out the personality and beauty inside every person who stood in front of her. It was delightful to watch and it made me want to be part of the fun. So towards the end of the evening, I voluntarily stepped into the mat, for the sole purpose of enjoying the experience.

Check out her facebook page to see what she's up to, especially if you hate being photographed. She will trick you into liking it :)  It was an honor to be part of her project.

Why Are You LGBTQ?

This week I read a guest opinion piece in the LA Times called "Genetics and Proposition 8 - Human sexual orientation has deep biological roots."

The op ed explores the 'nature or nurture' question about sexual orientation. Authors Hamer and Rosbash ask, "Are some people born gay?" By citing scientific data they conclude, "Yes, some people are simply born gay." Because sexual orientation is immutable - not our choice - the authors also conclude that 'homosexuality' should be a legally protected class.

Hamer and Rosbash write:
"Recent studies in college classrooms show that exposure of students to information on the causes of homosexuality has a direct influence on opinions about gay rights. This fits with polling data showing that people who believe that gays are "born that way" are generally supportive of full equality, whereas those who believe it is "a choice" are opposed."

Who am I to argue with science?

Yet, I worry about building the LGBTQ liberation movement on the paradigm of, "It's not our fault." Often this framework leads LGBTQ people to say things like, "It's not my fault I'm gay. Who would choose to be discriminated against?"

As a strength-based social worker, I would prefer to hear LGBTQ people proudly proclaim, "I love being LGBTQ! Despite social stigma, threats of violence and legal discrimination, I have chosen to come out. How incredibly amazing am I and every other LGBTQ person who comes out? I love being a part of the LGBTQ community. Now I am actively working to end discrimination, violence and harassment - all of which are choices that some people and institutions make."

To offer another perspective, religion is fully a choice *and* is a protected class in the United States. What if we thought about LGBTQ rights in a similar way?

For example, a recent Pew study called "Religion Among the Millennials" found:

"By some key measures, Americans ages 18 to 29 are considerably less religious than older Americans. Fewer young adults belong to any particular faith than older people do today. They also are less likely to be affiliated than their parents' and grandparents' generations were when they were young. Fully one-in-four members of the Millennial generation - so called because they were born after 1980 and began to come of age around the year 2000 - are unaffiliated with any particular faith."

Are the reasons the Millennials are turning away from organized religion based in nature or nurture? Should we attack the Millennials for not choosing organized religion? Should they be legally discriminated against? Harassed? Kicked out of their families? Have to justify their choices? Most (reasonable) people would say, "Of course not."

In the end, what 'causes' sexual orientation is the wrong question. It shouldn't matter whether sexual orientation is nature or nurture. Heterosexuals are never asked to explain the causes of why they are straight (except for the fabulous "Heterosexual Questionnaire").

When we debate the question of why we are LGBTQ, we fall into a trap by accepting the framework of those who seek to actively harm us. We waste a whole lot of time, energy, resources and emotions trying to convince others (and sometimes ourselves) that 'it's not our fault.'

Instead, let's offer a new paradigm and a new question we ask of others - "I choose honesty. I choose love. I choose authenticity. What do you choose?"

“Cathy is usually a girl’s name…”

Last week, a 4-year-old looked at me earnestly, paused, then said, “Cathy is usually a girl’s name.”

I smiled and responded, “I am a girl. I just have short hair and I’m tall.”

“You don’t sound like a girl,” she countered.

I smiled again. “Some girls have deeper voices.”

Though she didn’t seem convinced, she moved on to more important topics (the deliciousness of putting potato chips in a sandwich).

When I was seven years old, I ran down two flights of school stairs and burst out the front doors for recess. Once outside, I yelled and spit. Mrs. Walls captured me. “What do you think you’re doing, young lady?” I shrugged my shoulders as the boys ran on in front of me, yelling and spitting. “Young ladies don’t run down stairs, and young ladies certainly don’t yell or spit. Back upstairs. No recess for you today.”

When I was nine years old, my Brownie troop took a field trip to Burger King. We toured the grill, walk-in freezer, and fry station – it was magical. When we were done with our tour, we each received a burger, fries, and Coke. “Small bites, young lady. Ladies take small bites.” “I’m hungry,” I mumbled, mouth full. “Well, too bad. You need to learn to eat like a lady,” as she picked at a salad and drank a Diet Coke.

When I was twelve years old, I was the only girl on after-school flag football team. “Lezzie. She even throws like a boy.”

Truth is, I threw better than the boys :)

When I was twenty-two years old (and 23 to 38 and counting). “Sir. You’re in the wrong bathroom.” I now send my partner ahead on bathroom reconnaissance to scope it out and let me know if it is single stall with a door that locks, and what my chances are to sneak in undetected.

When I was thirty-three years old... “What’ll you have, sir?” “A vagina,” I silently answered. “A Revolution,” my noiseless monologue continued. “Tecate with a lime, please,” I responded out loud.

“Oh my gosh i Am so sorry…”

“Why? Are you out of limes?”

When I was twenty-five years old, I was a junior high school English teacher. Another women’s clothing catalog showed up in my faculty mailbox for the third time in a week - only faculty had access to mailboxes. I held back tears. I quit my teaching job that year.

As a working-class daughter of a cab driver, my dad loved and celebrated my tomboy buoyancy. As the only girl of her four children, my mother cursed my skateboard and pleaded with me to trade it in for floral print blouses and pearls.

Long before I identified as a lesbian, people were identifying me as a dyke (un-reclaimed). Not because I was holding hands with or kissing another female, but because my external gender expression has always been “masculine” -- short hair, no make up, scraped knees, big burger bites. My internal sense of gender, however, has always been “feminine” -- emotional, intuitive, nurturing, gentle, apologetic. I am peaceful with and celebrate this dissonance; others, however, seem to struggle.

In US culture, social constructions of gender are inextricably linked with social constructions of sexual orientation. While I agree with June Jordan and “despair identity politics,” I do identify as a queer feminist lesbian…and as a woman.

Queer because it captures my politics and desire for social and economic justice for all. I like Eve Sedgwick’s definition of Queer: “The open mesh of possibilities, gaps, overlaps, dissonances and resonances, lapses and excesses of meaning when the constituent elements of anyone’s gender, of anyone’s sexuality aren’t made (or can’t be made) to signify monolithically.”

Feminist because I support choice—the choice to explore, express, transgress and transcend gender.

Lesbian because I am a strong woman who passionately loves another strong woman...and the culture of strong women.

And woman...because I want to expand the definition to include girls and women who look, eat, sit, spit, throw, cry, dress and run down the stairs....just like me. I want that 4-year-old girl to always take big bites of her potato chip sandwich, without shame or apology :)

That's So Gay

When something comes in threes, I pay attention. There has been a pattern to my messages about the power of language this week.

First, I received an email from a social justice listserve about a CBS article titled, “Support for Gays in the Military Depends on the Question.” The article reported that a CBS News/ New York Times poll finds that the wording of the question is key when it comes to determining whether Americans support allowing gays to serve in the military:

"When referred to as "homosexuals," 44 percent favor allowing them to serve openly. When referred to as "gay men and lesbians," the percentage rises to 58 percent.”

Next, I received an email from The DailyOM called, “Words Have Weight:” It stated:

“Words carry energy and this gives language its power and its potential to heal or hurt. When we carefully listen to others before we speak, our words have more integrity, and when we take time to center ourselves before speaking, we truly begin to harness the power of speech.”

Finally, I received an email about a piece in the 'Daily Camera' called, “Think, then talk: Cleaning up language just common courtesy” by Linda Campbell:

" 'That's just retarded' and 'That's so gay' have become all-purpose put-downs, used in contexts that have nothing to do with cognitively challenged or homosexual individuals.” (click here to see an excellent public service announcement by Wanda Sykes about "That's so gay")

The article highlights this coming March 3rd as the second "Spread the Word to End the Word" Awareness Day, which states “Our language frames how we think about others.” The website asks people to “Pledge and support the elimination of the derogatory use of the r-word from everyday speech and promote the acceptance and inclusion of people with intellectual disabilities."

The three articles all made me think about language and the LGBTQ and Allied community. I thought about

• The words “queer,” “dyke,” “fag” and “tranny” and how they are embraced and celebrated by some, and are rejected by and repulsive to others.
• How Rosie O’Donnell and Ellen DeGeneres, during their public coming out processes, referred to themselves as “gay women” rather than lesbians (Remember the "Yep, I'm Gay" Time Magazine cover?).
• How I cringe when I hear the phrase “gay lifestyle.”
• "Partner" vs "lover" vs "wife" vs "husband" vs "significant other" vs "spouse."
  
• People in the community who I have heard say, “LGBTQIAWLJFwhatever alphabet soup” dismissively and with exasperation.
• Euphemisms we have used: "In the life," "family" and "friend of Dorothy." (others?)
  
• How my mom referred to me as a "lezzie" and how that felt.
  
• LGBTQ and Allied people who I have heard use the phrase, “That’s so lame.”
• ‘Marriage’ vs ‘Civil Union’ vs “Domestic Partner’ vs “Designated Beneficiary.”
• How the radical religious right always refers to the LGBTQ and Allied community as “homosexuals” and why…
• and I thought about LGBTQ vs GLBTQ.

I don’t have a neat summary of these thoughts. I just wanted to share them with others to see what you think about the power of language and the LGBTQ and Allied community. What words do you use to describe yourself? Your community? Your family? What words and phrases make you cringe? How do words and language define and impact you? Define and impact others?

The DailyOM piece concluded:

“For the next few days, you might want to practice noticing how the words you say and hear affect your body and your emotional state. Notice how the different communication styles of the people in your life make you feel. Also, watch closely to see how your own words come out and what affect they have on the people around you.”

Give it a try and let us know :) What did you notice?

We love when simply loving is the most radical act there is...

“I was once asked why I don't participate in anti-war demonstrations.
I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I'll be there.”
– Mother Teresa

Last week, a certain high-profile, highly polarizing figure sent media releases that said he was coming to Boulder to protest the funerals of the recent plane crash victims. His releases said that God caused the plane crashes because God is punishing Boulder for being a hotbed of homosexual sin…

A few members of the community wanted to stage a counter-protest at the funerals against the man from Kansas who sent the press releases.

(At this point, you may be wondering, “Why aren’t you just using his name? We all know who he is”).

* Exactly *

He gets so much of our time, attention and resources…and frankly, I’m done giving it to him. I’d rather put our collective energy somewhere positive.

He sends dozens of press releases to communities each day, threatening to show up and protest for one ridiculous reason or another. Turns out, he only shows up at a small percentage of the places that he says he is coming to. The Anti-Defamation League has tracked his press releases to actual ‘showing up’ ratio, and has found correlation – that when he receives significant prior media attention and plans for counter protests, he is more likely to come. When the local media and community ignore him, he doesn’t bother to show up. In fact, it appears from the news today that he was (again) a no-show in Boulder.

So, as the ADL encourages, the best way to counter-protest him is to simply ignore him.

Now, this response can be unpopular and seen as ‘doing nothing.’ Many people have been victimized by this man’s venomous rhetoric. The messages on his extreme neon signs elicit anger and, understandably, people want an outlet for their rage – they want to show him that we are stronger, smarter, angrier, holier, more righteous or more outrageous. Some believe that to not counter-protest seems weak…or like we are capitulating.

Here, I am reminded of the Hemingway quote, “Never mistake motion for action.”

What if, instead, we all (I’m talking media and the communities he targets) agree to simply ignore him? What if, instead, we channeled all that energy into something we are *for* and not against?

I offer this thought because I sometimes worry the LGBTQ and Allied movement has become defined by what we are against: we wage battles, we fight, we struggle, we protest. And indeed, there have been valid and vital reasons to fight. But do we know who we are as a community when we are not fighting?

I was once in a strategic planning meeting for an LGBTQ organization. Our facilitator asked, “If your organization does its job well, how will your community be different in 10 years?” The very first response was, “Tougher hate crime laws.” Many people nodded in agreement.

I raised my hand and offered a different vision: “How about no hate crimes?”

Silence. People paused, then shifted in their seats.

Is that even a realistic vision? Who would we be as a community if there were no longer hate crimes? How would we define ourselves? Would we still even have a reason to gather as a community?

I used to say that, as a ‘gay-for-pay’ I am trying to work myself out of a job. Someday, when discrimination, violence and harassment against the LGBTQ community ends, my work will be done and I can go get a ‘normal’ job – that we won’t need LGBTQ community centers anymore. Over the years, though, I have changed my thinking.

Perhaps when discrimination, violence and harassment against the LGBTQ community ends, we will just be getting started.

Rather than defining the LGBTQ community by what we are against, what if we started to think about our community in terms of what we are for? What are the gifts and talents that LGBTQ people have to teach others? Why else might we want to gather as a community that doesn’t involve protests? As Buckminister Fuller said, "You never change something by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete."

I believe we have much to share with others about courage, strength, forgiveness, living passionately, honesty, creativity, risk, fun, community, parenting, spirituality, (not to mention, softball and fashion :) )….and, above all, about Love.

We are incredibly strong and resilient people who, despite negative social messages and institutionalized discrimination, not only ‘come out’ and survive – but thrive. We love when simply loving is the most radical act there is - whether it is loving ourselves fully and honestly for who we are or loving another.

What does it mean to start creating a community vision that is based in our strengths, our love, and what we are for?

What are you for?