Why marriage?

This afternoon the news that the California Supreme court declared leaving same-sex couples out of marriage was illegal and flat out wrong came across my computer. Unlike Massachusetts, they have already shown a strong support, being the first state in the country to have marriage pass in the legislature in 2005. So now it goes to the voters in the fall to decide whether or not fairness has a place in their state.

Sometimes people ask why we queers care about marriage, really? The divorce rate in our country is over 65%, it's a patriarchal institution with a history of devaluing women, and it doesn't actually help level the playing field for many LGBT folks for whom marriage would not automatically open the door to benefits like health care. So what does it matter?

My ex-wife and I were together for 9 years. In the first years of our relationship her (mormon) parents preferred to refer to me as her roommate. Despite the fact that we owned a home together, raised children together, and had been together for significant period of time. We held a commitment ceremony to which none of our mormon parents came (I have a couple of them myself) and it made no difference. Then, in September of 2003, we went to Canada and got married. On the phone with her mother, she mentioned this, expecting the normal negative reaction. Instead her mother said, "You can do that?" Yep. "What's Aicila's birthday?", she then asked, and proceeded to enter me into the family genealogy. What 7 years, children, a house, and mutual caretaking could not accomplish, this slip of paper from Canada made possible. Suddenly, our relationship was acceptable.

So while marriage in many ways will not change the work we need to do towards equal access to health care or fair treatment by employers, I believe it will make a difference in how we are able to build our lives together. It will help end some of the isolation we face from our families and within society. It will help us be more connected to the larger community in which we live.

Read more at: this website