Homelessness in Boulder.

Boulder is a lovely city with a lot of good things to offer its people and the rest of the country. Boulder is also not immune from the same problems that affect the rest of the country, including homelessness. The Carriage House is one of the organizations that works to address this problem locally and does a fabulous job.



The queer community has added opportunities for homelessness. It is estimated that over 60% of homeless teens are queer, having been kicked out after they came out (or were forced out) to their families. Transgender people often lose their jobs, families, and social support when they come out about their true gender. And there are still plenty of places in even Colorado where being Lesbian, Gay or Bisexual will lose you employment.

Bi now, Gay later?

I identify as queer. I was married to a man for five years, to a woman for 9, and have dated people for whom gender is not a very linear concept. My partner grew up in the bay area, coming out at 17, and performing drag in San Francisco clubs, before running away from himself and a broken heart to marry a woman in Washington state. Over the years he has had male, female and trans partners. While he no longer performs drag, he still loves the gender bending and looks marvelous in asian style dresses.

I know that for some people "bisexual" is a comfortable stepping stone to "gay or lesbian". They aren't quite able to let go of their inner heterosexual and they cling to the idea of it to preserve a feeling of safety while they explore their same-sex feelings. And because about 30% of bisexuals also identify as polyamorous, the concept that bisexuals want it all is also understandable. I acknowledge that.

BUT there are plenty of people who are actually and truly bisexual. When my partner and I go to queer events and get strange looks, it disappoints me. Our heteronormative looking relationship could be:

A. we are straight allies
B. one or the other of us is transgender
C. one or the other or both of us is bisexual

And while my partner and I do feel the benefit of heterosexual privilege, we are also very open about who we are. And when people identify with us because of our heterosexuality, we make sure they know it's transitory. I don't think we are alone. And I think the queer movement is going to be stronger and more successful if we work with our allies. The 19th Amendment was voted for only by men. Women would never have gotten the vote if they didn't have male allies.

Learn more about the history of the bisexual movement. If you would like to be part of creating the next phase of the movement, please contact me. Everyone is talking about how it is time for a change. I'm ready to make it happen.

Stop having them ...

I was delighted to experience the fun and frolicking that was sponsored by the Task Force Sunday evening at Lannie's Clocktower . A short presentation of the film, For My Wife, a documentary about the tragic death of Charlene Strong's partner, Kate Fleming, was shown to remind us that while we have come far, we have far to go.

Sometimes I sit in these rooms, full of queer activists, and I really wonder why it's all necessary. Why does our love for our partners and spouses frighten people into such strongly emotional and (often) dangerous reactions? The only reason our relationships become a hardship is because other people work to make it so. And it is a learned behavior. People learn to move from curiosity to fear and resistance as they age.

When Lannie began her show, she was hilarious. And in the midst of the comedy, there was as usual, some pointed truth. "I don't understand all this fuss about gays getting married. I think if the straight people don't like gay people .... they should stop having them. I mean they are the ones creating the problem, maybe that's who shouldn't be allowed to get married!"

A few years ago, Washington state activists began a campaign to require married heterosexuals to have children within three years, or have their marriage declared invalid by the state. It makes sense to me, if marriage is about procreation, then you ought to get to it!

Marriage in the News

Predictably, the recent California decision has people talking about marriage all over the place. We've all witnessed the absolute lack of apocalyptic consequences experienced in Massachusetts since they began to legally recognize same-sex marriages in their state. California has been teasing us for awhile, with the state legislature legalizing marriage recognition and then being vetoed by the governor. I hope the people of California let it stand this time. It's going to be a long road and having a few positive steps is a nice change!

I like the Canadian video campaign, launched in 2006 to promote marriage equality:



When I first came out, a family member said they could possibly understand but they would never support gay marriage. Why, I asked. Because then everyone would do it. Really, would you, I responded. This, of course, ended the conversation. That's not a question people want to answer, which is wise, either way they answer proves them wrong or closeted!

Vote.

Today is the primaries and your vote counts. For more about voting in Boulder County, visit www.VoteBoulder.org or call (303) 413-7740.

It.

I never really knew how cold and dimension-less the word "it" was until I read the press release on Angie Zapata's murderer being charged. Usually I am full of words, and the normal ones do float to the surface like "shocking" and "horrible" and "nauseating". But beyond the words are feelings that simply can't be captured.

There isn't a lot of room in our language for people who are different. Utah Philips tells the story of his daughter complaining that he wasn't normal and his friend correcting her, "He is normal, what you mean is average." Mainstream living is often the lowest common denominator. A safe way for people to move through life. The sign posts are up, the path is marked, the goal is clear.

Angie's desire to walk differently should never have resulted in so tragic a situation. There is no possibility of justice, whatever punishment is meted out, Angie will be dead. Our community will have lost one more member. All we can do is mourn and work to prevent this from happening again, to someone else.