::::said in a snarky voice, while rolling eyes::::
“Ricky Martin came out? Oh, now there’s a shock. Duh. Like we didn’t know.”
Yes, yesterday Ricky Martin announced via a powerful statement on his website, in English and Spanish, that he is “proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am.”
Rather than celebrate his courage and personal liberation, based on Facebook responses I read, many LGBTQ people seemed to respond with apathy or even a hint of scorn: “Who cares?” “About time.” “So what?” “Oh, is he a hero now?”
‘Sí’ is my answer.
Because you see, it *still* does matter that we come out.
Not long after I came out to my mom (which went like this: “Mom. There’s something I want to talk to you about” “You’re pregnant?!?” “Um - Not exactly. I’m a lesbian.” “Oh.”), my mom and I were watching the “Rosie O’Donnell Show.”
Rosie was walking around on stage as only Rosie can walk, and I said, “Rosie is a lesbian, too.”
My mom responded, “No she’s not” (this was before Rosie came out). So I said, “Yes, she is” to which my mom said, “Has she ‘come out’?” and I had to answer, “No.”
While an undergraduate in college (before I came out to myself and was still dating men…oh, those wasted years) I had a professor who was rumored to be a lesbian. Many years after I graduated and after I had come out to myself and just about everyone else I knew, I asked my former professor about it: “Why don’t you come out to your classes?”
Her response: “Oh. If people pay attention, they figure it out. I don’t need to ‘come out.’”
You see. For some Pomo Homos (post-modern homosexuals), the act of ‘coming out’ is soooo 1986. The theoretical argument goes that by ‘coming out’ queer people maintain oppression - straight/non-trans people don’t have to ‘come out’ so why should we?
So why should we? Research overwhelming demonstrates that when a non-LGBT person knows an LGBT person, they are much more likely to support civil rights and social change for them. It's the unsexy part of political work. Mutli-million dollar slick campaigns can't take the place of a good old-fashioned "coming out" story.
On the personal level, to face our fears and throw open the closet door is one of the most singular powerful acts of liberation and social change a person can make. If you don’t believe me (or Ricky Martin), give it a try this week. Come out to someone new and see how it feels.
As Harvey Milk pleaded in 1978: "Gay brothers and sisters,... You must come out. Come out... to your parents... I know that it is hard and will hurt them but think about how they will hurt you in the voting booth! Come out to your relatives... come out to your friends... if indeed they are your friends. Come out to your neighbors... to your fellow workers... to the people who work where you eat and shop... come out only to the people you know, and who know you. But once and for all, break down the myths, destroy the lies and distortions. For your sake. For their sake. For the sake of the youngsters who are becoming scared by the votes from Dade to Eugene."
So thank you Ricky Martin. Yes, our gaydars have been going off ever since you danced and sang with Menudo…but you had the courage to say it. It still does matter that a person says it outloud and proud.
...and somewhere this morning a closeted, scared gay Latino teen suddenly has a new hero :)
1 comment:
Thank you Cathy. You are absolutely right that there are many gay and lesbian youths and adults who feel that they cannot "come out" for one reason or another.
Those of us in urban areas may find it "blase" to have to come-out but there are still thousands of GLBT persons in rural areas and highly conservative families where to do so takes great courage. I recently lost a twenty year old member of my family to suicide. "He was such a nice young man, sensitive - an artist." I'll never know now, but have long suspected that he was gay. We need to support our gay family and friends in whatever way we can. And active "coming-out" is one way.
EQ
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