That's So Gay

When something comes in threes, I pay attention. There has been a pattern to my messages about the power of language this week.

First, I received an email from a social justice listserve about a CBS article titled, “Support for Gays in the Military Depends on the Question.” The article reported that a CBS News/ New York Times poll finds that the wording of the question is key when it comes to determining whether Americans support allowing gays to serve in the military:

"When referred to as "homosexuals," 44 percent favor allowing them to serve openly. When referred to as "gay men and lesbians," the percentage rises to 58 percent.”

Next, I received an email from The DailyOM called, “Words Have Weight:” It stated:

“Words carry energy and this gives language its power and its potential to heal or hurt. When we carefully listen to others before we speak, our words have more integrity, and when we take time to center ourselves before speaking, we truly begin to harness the power of speech.”

Finally, I received an email about a piece in the 'Daily Camera' called, “Think, then talk: Cleaning up language just common courtesy” by Linda Campbell:

" 'That's just retarded' and 'That's so gay' have become all-purpose put-downs, used in contexts that have nothing to do with cognitively challenged or homosexual individuals.” (click here to see an excellent public service announcement by Wanda Sykes about "That's so gay")

The article highlights this coming March 3rd as the second "Spread the Word to End the Word" Awareness Day, which states “Our language frames how we think about others.” The website asks people to “Pledge and support the elimination of the derogatory use of the r-word from everyday speech and promote the acceptance and inclusion of people with intellectual disabilities."

The three articles all made me think about language and the LGBTQ and Allied community. I thought about

• The words “queer,” “dyke,” “fag” and “tranny” and how they are embraced and celebrated by some, and are rejected by and repulsive to others.
• How Rosie O’Donnell and Ellen DeGeneres, during their public coming out processes, referred to themselves as “gay women” rather than lesbians (Remember the "Yep, I'm Gay" Time Magazine cover?).
• How I cringe when I hear the phrase “gay lifestyle.”
• "Partner" vs "lover" vs "wife" vs "husband" vs "significant other" vs "spouse."
  
• People in the community who I have heard say, “LGBTQIAWLJFwhatever alphabet soup” dismissively and with exasperation.
• Euphemisms we have used: "In the life," "family" and "friend of Dorothy." (others?)
  
• How my mom referred to me as a "lezzie" and how that felt.
  
• LGBTQ and Allied people who I have heard use the phrase, “That’s so lame.”
• ‘Marriage’ vs ‘Civil Union’ vs “Domestic Partner’ vs “Designated Beneficiary.”
• How the radical religious right always refers to the LGBTQ and Allied community as “homosexuals” and why…
• and I thought about LGBTQ vs GLBTQ.

I don’t have a neat summary of these thoughts. I just wanted to share them with others to see what you think about the power of language and the LGBTQ and Allied community. What words do you use to describe yourself? Your community? Your family? What words and phrases make you cringe? How do words and language define and impact you? Define and impact others?

The DailyOM piece concluded:

“For the next few days, you might want to practice noticing how the words you say and hear affect your body and your emotional state. Notice how the different communication styles of the people in your life make you feel. Also, watch closely to see how your own words come out and what affect they have on the people around you.”

Give it a try and let us know :) What did you notice?